The Final Countdown

July 14 - 18

I have received a number of queries about various critters that inhabit Iraq. Since I am in the office most of the time, I’ve not seen much wildlife. The guys here tell me there is a very dangerous scorpion that lives throughout Iraq and can kill with a bite. You have seen the giant “calanches” or cockroaches on an earlier page. How about this one?

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The Elusive Camel Spider

Like the Weapons of Mass Destruction, there is more here than meets the eye. Here is what National Geographic says about this hoax.

As if they didn't have enough to contend with, coalition soldiers in Iraq face a sinister and creepy non-human threat as well - Camel spiders! Or so an E-mail would have us believe. The information in the message is strongly reinforced by a companion photograph that depicts a soldier holding up two gigantic camel spiders. In spite of the supposed photographic evidence, however, the information in the email is far from accurate. It has been claimed that camel spiders can run up to 25 mph and make a squealing noise like children screaming. Furthermore, camel spiders can supposedly grow to gigantic sizes, leap large distances and secrete anesthetics that allow them to eat camels (and soldiers) alive.

However, some research on camel spiders has been enlightening:

Camel spiders, or wind scorpions, are not actually spiders. They are in fact Solifugids and, like spiders, they belong to the class Arachnida. The creatures are completely non-venomous. They are silent. They do not eat camels alive or dead. They mostly eat other arthropods. Some eat lizards and, possibly, birds and small mammals. They do run very fast for Arachnids, but certainly not as fast as 25 mph. Solifugids are found worldwide, although they are more common in drier regions such as Iraq. Their bodies range in size from 25mm to 75mm in length. The outstretched leg span may reach 150mm.

Camel spiders are aggressive hunters and voracious feeders. They have strong enough jaws to bite a person and probably have done so. However, they are not generally considered a threat to humans. The size of the specimens depicted in the photograph appears to be much larger than normal for camel spiders. However, photographs can be deceptive - either accidentally or deliberately.

Wednesday was a holiday. This was the anniversary of a bloody coup in 1958 that removed the royal family from power in Iraq. The Iraqis call it Independence Day. On Wednesday the Governor of Mosul was gunned down. Saturday was the anniversary of the Baath revolution. Saddam was a member of the Baath Party. Car bombs and demonstrations were plentiful across the country. One car bomb in Baghdad narrowly missed killing the Justice Minister. The suicide bomber did succeed in killing 5 of his bodyguards. A beheaded body was found in Mosul. This was determined to be one of the Bulgarian truck drivers who have been held captive for the past few weeks.

The Philippines decided to close up shop in Iraq, fleeing like bunnies before the terrorists, but using the excuse of saving the life of another hostage. If I were taken hostage, the last thing I would want is for my country to bow before terrorists. My respect for the Philippines has dropped to nothing. Who could possibly want them as an ally in the future? How many Canadians would consider this type of action to be a monumental blow to our national pride? Most, I hope.

Over the past few months many academics and doctors have been shot and beheaded. It is not safe to be intelligent or a leader in this country as one might guess. Yet there is no shortage of tyrannical wannabees. Our own organisation has a payroll clerk who runs to the Chairman on a daily basis whining about various staff (and one particular PMO Director) who don't seem to fall into line as fast as he thinks they should. We have a Finance Comptroller who wields his signing authority like a club, slowing down progress across the company, resulting in increased costs on a daily basis. The Human Resource department is run by a small clique. They have shown little concern for the employees, and seemingly only put up with them to ensure they have reason to collect a paycheck of their own. Basic employee rights that we westerners take for granted do not exist here. On many levels, it will take some serious cultural changes before one can feel safe and secure in Iraq.

I was taken out to dinner on Sunday night by some of the Project Management team. We went to a typical outdoor Kurdish restaurant in a very nice area just outside town. There was a duck pond and a pump which shot a jet of water high in the air. Plastic chairs and tables covered the area around the pond. It was around 40 degrees even though it was just after 8 PM when we arrived. A slight breeze drifting toward us from the "fountain" kept us a few degrees cooler. Some icy beer and wine chilled us to a nearly comfortable level. Loud Kurdish music came from a centrally located speaker and the air above our heads was alive with bats in pursuit of insects. We had grilled "tika" chicken kebobs and enjoyed light conversation until midnight.

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Dinner at Chinarock (chinna-rok)

Dr. Ari, one of the Project Managers, and I discussed what we would consider to be social gaffes in each other's countries. Beckoning is a terrible thing to do to someone here, since it is considered to be the way a man "calls" for his woman. Showing the soles of one's feet to another is a sign of disrespect. Belching after a good meal is acceptable, especially on the farms, but we both agreed that flatulence is universally unacceptable. (In spite of what one might ingest here!) It was enlightening and a bit scary to realise that I probably have offended everyone here at one time or another. By crossing my legs and showing my soles... not... um... never mind.

As the last day approaches, I have agreed with Heather to make one last attempt to find something interesting to bring home. The main criteria is that whatever I might buy has to be useful and Kurdish. Since Mme. Shadia won't fit in my suitcase and since she says her husband would starve to death if his meals were not prepared for him each night, I will explore some of the local antique stores and art galleries. The problem with antiques is that it is very illegal to transport Middle Eastern "heritage" back to the land of the infidels. One of our expats managed to get a pocketful of ancient bronze coins through the Turkish border, but forgot they were in his pocket when he went through security at the airport in Istanbul. After dumping a most unusual assortment of "change" into the tray, he wound up spending seven hours in a Turkish jail. He was released with a warning written in his passport, but not until he had signed the coins over to a local museum.

Going through Customs is always a risky business but pales in comparison to the risks involved in bringing home something useless and/or ugly.

As our company goes through the inevitable growing pains, our new management has decided that they will no longer embrace "Sinbad", the beloved AsiaCell mascot. So I suggested we replace Sinbad with a mascot that more aptly represents our aggressive marketing strategy. To date I have had no response. See what you think.

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Sinbad vs. Sambad

Well, I thought it was a good idea anyway,

Steve

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